Some years ago, I had the painful, but extremely beneficial experience of attending Dr. James Farr’s institute in North Carolina. Why painful? My first exercise was to sit in a bathtub and play with a rubber duck and then report my feelings the next day to those attending the “stop being crazy” (my name for it) group. Dr. Farr forced me to look at perception and reality and understand the filters I was using to approach the world. These filters were being used to interpret the behavior of others towards me. Then, I reacted according to my emotional survival programming. Whew, heavy stuff!

     Because I was wrongly filtering, and therefore misinterpreting most behaviors, I was reacting according to my “understandings” and approaching life in a way that was having a negative impact on myself and those close to me, both at work and at home. As I was going through the sessions, I was angry, frustrated and hated facing the reality of my fears. I worked through them and now assert that it was the most powerful and beneficial experience of my entire working career.

     I now coach my clients to understand and incorporate a variation of FDR’s famous saying, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself.” The variation is: Fear really means - False Evidence Appearing Real. Go to EXERCISE 6.1, complete it, and identify your personal FEARs regarding the job search process.

     The “Rambo’s” among you can skip this exercise. However, for 99.99% of the American population, this exercise will be of value in helping you come to grips with barriers that might stand in your way as you attempt to manage and execute a meaningful job search.

     You can see from the exercise, there are multiple areas where FEAR can manifest itself and sidetrack your campaign. Let me take a moment and discuss these two concepts.

     In my opinion, there are two main reasons for failure. The first is grounded in the concept of fear. The second is lack of determination and discipline. Think about this for a moment. Do you like rejection? Do you get up every morning saying to all who listen, “please reject me?” Of course you don’t! No sane person seeks rejection. This, however, leads me to the main point of this portion of the chapter narrative.

     Jim Farr taught me an important behavior modification rule that I would like to share with you. When you were a child and put your hand on a hot stove, you soon discovered that if you repeated that behavior you would be hurt.

     You didn’t do it again, knowingly. These learned behaviors apply equally to the mechanisms we employ to protect both our physical and emotional health and survival.

     During our lifetimes, all of us have been subjected to a multiplicity of experiences, resulting in a feeling of rejection. At first, this created intense emotional pain. Each of us, of course, reacted differently. We either blocked the pain and avoided the causes, became callous and insensitive, or grew negative and hurtful. As we became adults, we eventually learned to minimize or avoid such encounters, as much as possible.

     No matter what particular method you use to cope, you have long ago developed behavior patterns, event-filtering mechanisms, and personalized retreat methods that you still employ today to survive emotionally.

     Most people eventually employ these when going through a job transition. You will too, if enough “gatekeepers” won’t let you get to the decision-makers, recruiters won’t respond or are insensitive or rude, and hundreds of other rejection-reasons are experienced during your weekly search encounters.

     Believe me, you will eventually lean towards familiar habits and possibly develop one or more patterns of behavior to avoid such encounters. Oh, do I hear you saying no? Poppycock! I am here to tell you that I have watched hundreds of job seekers go through this same avoidance syndrome.

     The cure is not simple, but it is effective. The next time you have such an encounter, try to become aware of this vicious cycle of behavior and how you are reacting.

     Every time you face rejection, stop and consider the why of the situation and then the what of your feelings. Figure out what the causes might have been and then take constructive action to change those things over which you have control and do them differently. Remember - you are either in control or out of control.

     Jim Farr used to call them “crazy tapes.” He said the only way to modify behavior was to break the tape that is currently running and rerecord, or substitute, a new set of behaviors and then practice them until they become the standard by which you operate.

     The second main reason for avoidance is lack of discipline. Poor discipline stems from poor habits. These range from being disorganized, procrastinating, having a lack of clarity as to your mission or purpose, poorly defining your objectives and goals, and a hundred other reasons. My personal shortcomings are disdain for detail and some procrastination. Evidence? This book has been nearly two years in the writing.

     I promised you in Chapter 1, I wouldn’t digress and philosophize in this book. I am not doing so now. Below, I have listed a few of my personal beliefs. If you practice these, and the 25 Rules you’ve already posted in your home, you will be extremely successful in your search. Who knows, you might also think about applying them to improve your personal life as well.

     The rest of this chapter will focus on the published and hidden job markets and techniques to penetrate both. To help you get through this seemingly disjointed effort, the following is an outline of the remaining chapter. The areas marked in blue, on the CD-Rom and web versions, are linked to that particular section so click away!

THE PUBLISHED MARKET
Recruiters
Trade and fraternal associations
Printed media ads
The Internet
Job fairs

THE UNPUBLISHED MARKET
Networking
Event Opportunities
Direct Mail